Fugue
by labyrinthine
Summary: Are Vaughn and Sydney just counterpoints in the same fugue? Vaughn's POV


Title: Fugue  
  
Author: labyrinthine  
  
E-mail: elabyrinthine@yahoo.com  
  
Rating/Classification: PG/vignette  
  
Summary: Are Vaughn and Sydney just counterpoints in the same fugue? Vaughn's POV  
  
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, more's the pity.  
  
Notes: I thought I'd give Will a few days off while I took Vaughn for a quick spin. This one's for Hil, here's to our tandem posting project…  
  
"To dare is losing your footing for a short while. Not to dare is losing yourself." – Soren Kierkegaard  
  
*****  
  
He's sick to his stomach every time she goes on a case. His tenure with the agency, the death of his father from working in the same business, has made him amply aware of the risks any agent assumes when going in the field. He's been questioned several times by superiors about the nature of the counter-missions he assigns Sydney, but he knows how meticulously he researches every step of any plan he requests. Other agents under his supervision take risks and Vaughn doesn't lose sleep over it; he works his ass off devising strategies that keep Syd out of harm's way.  
  
There are times he thinks they're getting too close. That the rational voice in him is correct, and at times he does lose the objectivity he so desperately needs in this line of work. But he has to admit, they make a great team - even if their partnership is bridged only by radios, classified files and drop-off locations. They're starting to become intuitive, anticipating each other's next moves and needs. And that's a good thing, he thinks. Isn't it?  
  
*****  
  
One night, too keyed up to sit alone in an empty apartment, he breaks protocol and drives to her house. He is careful, parking behind a bush that obscures him from view yet still allows him to see through the open window into her living room. Assuming it is her living room; he's obviously never been inside to know for sure. He's envious of her life, how full it is outside of the job. She's been pressured on many occasions to drop grad school, but Sydney is adamant about finishing her degree program, something about having another cover accessible if something went wrong. He thinks she just wants to keep SD-6 and the CIA out of the rest of her life, and by making her life outside of work as full as possible, she can feel like a normal person when she's not on-duty.  
  
Looking - spying, he if were to be accurate, and this amuses him for some reason - through her window, watching her and her friends play cards, smiling and talking and drinking wine, he is reminded of what normal can be. He lives on the outside, cut off from most things ordinary people take for granted. His entire adult life has been dedicated to the CIA and Alice, and now he doesn't even have somebody to come home to.  
  
*****  
  
He wonders if he'll ever be able to see a red wig again without thinking of her, the day they first met. It's a good thing, he thinks, that they seem to be pretty uncommon.  
  
*****  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"...Joey's Pizza?"  
  
"Sorry, wrong number, though I could really go for a pizza too."  
  
Vaughn disconnects the phone. He's never made the call before, he's not supposed to, but figured one time wouldn't make a difference. After all, he'd be calling from the same secured line every 'Joey's Pizza' call originates from, it isn't a serious security breech. He hadn't been in contact with Sydney for two weeks, and if he was forced to admit it, he wanted to hear her voice. What he was unprepared for, however, was the male voice on the other end. Since when did Syd have a guy over who answered her phone? The heavy weight that seems to fall over him couldn't possibly be jealousy, he rationalizes, it just shows he shouldn't have skipped lunch again.  
  
*****  
  
He remembers when Sydney was still under suspicion as a mole in SD-6, and the marathon training session they held perfecting her responses on the advanced lie detector. When they finally called it quits Sydney could barely make it out of the chair, she was so tense. Vaughn knew how anxious he was about Syd performing well, and could barely imagine what kind of stress she was putting herself through. Acting on brave instincts he didn't know he possessed, he made his way behind the chair, silently placed his hands on her shoulders, and started unworking knots. She had tensed up at first, which almost made him stop completely and walk back across the room; after a moment she sighed and leaned into it, and for the next ten minutes Vaughn didn't once think of moles, or lie detectors, or handlers who were probably acting far out of line. The Sydney who finally made it out of the chair, looked at him, and left the room was a revelation, and long after she was gone he still stood there, shell-shocked, thinking he couldn't believe he didn't kiss her.  
  
*****  
  
Vaughn has a reoccurring dream – he is standing on the edge of a precipice, looking down at the bottom of a canyon where Sydney, already having rappelled the distance, is waiting for him. He moves to follow, but the moment he pushes off the ledge his own rappelling gear vanishes, and he is falling, falling long past where he should have hit ground. He always wakes up disoriented, not sure which way is up.  
  
*****  
  
Jack Bristow has a capacity to unnerve him that it seems no one else can surpass. There are times Vaughn likens him to a double-edged sword – he is a talented and key double agent, but rarely sees eye-to-eye with Vaughn on any topic. Syd's burgeoning relationship with Jack makes him uneasy as well; he doesn't feel Syd is in danger per se by spending more time with her father, but has a perpetual nagging doubt that she will somehow be convinced to leave him for a handler better suited her needs. Sydney's successes in the field have lately begun to feel like his own as well. Watching her enthusiasm to bring down SD-6 has strengthened his own resolve, and he is afraid that if something should happen to her, his drive would falter as well. He thinks this is considered dependent behavior.  
  
*****  
  
Even after half a dozen shared life-or-death situations, they remain two individuals who are completely unable of carrying on a conversation with emotional overtones without one of them inadvertently getting hurt.  
  
*****  
  
He wonders if Sydney liked the picture frame. Hell, he wonders if she even opened it. It took him so long to decide on the gift. He wanted to buy her something that could fit into her normal life outside of the job, something that wouldn't arouse suspicion. To serve as a small reminder of him, perhaps, though he would never admit that. He didn't even know in what capacity he was giving it to her. As a thank-you? As something little between coworkers? Friends? So much between them was difficult to classify, the boundaries kept blurring.  
  
It saddens him to understand that he will never know what else she received for Christmas, how she decorated her tree, if she's the type that wakes up at the crack of dawn to open her stocking. Their meetings are too risky to waste much time talking about things that don't pertain to the work, and he wishes he could take her out, just once, to a fancy restaurant and pick her brain.  
  
*****  
  
Subject, answer, countersubject, development, final recapitulation. Vaughn's not big on classical music but Bach fugues have always intrigued him. The Concerto for Two Violins in D minor is his weakness, with it's dueling violins playing soaring variations on the same theme, each trying to make their own point before joining in unison at the end. Thrust and parry. Vaughn imagines they are under Bach's masterful direction, and waits patiently for the movement when he and Sydney will unite on the same theme.  
  
*****  
  
Fugue  
  
elabyrinthine@yahoo.com  
  
"Breathe in, breathe out, create the fugue…" – Hillary 5/24/01 


End file.
